Getting your child to study.....

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything.. . tutors,
mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.


After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise,

Little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary shook his head, no.


"Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the uniforms?" WHAT WAS IT ?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Shipwrecked

There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island....

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl....

They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women to do.......

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing.......

She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself......

It was very tragic, but the two guys managed to get through it, and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.........

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing........

So..........

they buried her.

What a Kid......

A Primary three teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for Primary three. My sister is in Primary six and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary six too!"

The Teacher had enough. She took the boy to the Headmaster's office.

While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the Headmaster what the situation was. The Headmaster told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to Primary three and behave. She agreed.

The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Headmaster: "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy: "9".

Headmaster: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the Headmaster thought a Primary three pupil should know. The Headmaster looked at the teacher and told her, "I think the boy can go to Primary six."

The teacher said to the Headmaster, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?" The Headmaster and the boy both agreed.

The teacher asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Boy: "Pockets."

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The Headmaster's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The Headmaster's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Headmaster was looking restless, a bit tensed.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Fire truck

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you don't get it you have to use your hand.

Boy: Fork

Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than in others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy: Surname

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Boy: HEART.

The Headmaster breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

joke of the day........

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
"Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me." Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
"Dear Dad, for heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES." Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
"Dear Dad, go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances." Love, Bubba
LMAO...